Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Bound and the wound

I have moved! A place which I have identified as my "third" home I left two weeks ago. Having been staying there for a year (and more days), I was (and still am) very heartbroken to have left the house with so many memories instilled in it. Yes, I miss everything but what I am missing most is my sweetheart noona. I have been missing her. So much that it pains my heart to realize that she is no longer beside me cheering this lazy cow up. I am bound. Bound to her.

I do not understand. I really do not understand! Why am I so bound to her? I have always thought of her as my close friend, nothing more nothing less. But it was only until two weeks before I left her that I, I mean my heart, suddenly felt so defective. Think of my heart as a puzzle. It felt like a big piece of the puzzle is missing, making the puzzle itself incomplete.

What is with me? As I am writing, I feel like a part of my soul is missing. Yes, I miss her. So much that it pains my heart. What is with me, really? I want her to stay by my side. That's all! I just want to see her smile every day. That's all! I just want to hear her voice every night. That's all! Am I too greedy a person to want these all?

I don't understand. And I do not want to understand! What's with me? Why do I keep wishing things? If only, we could be more than just best friends. If only, we were not so many ages apart. If only, age never mattered to people. I wish and keep wishing. But wishing things that I can never have, that is also greed, is it not? Am I a guy too greedy?

I am bound to her, and this is a wound to my heart. I am confused. mentally. I am injured. psychologically. I have been so hard on myself this week, today especially. My mind keeps thinking about her. I am just afraid. To lose a person I care most. Because one time is more than enough.

This all sounds so very absurd but I am bound to her, and this is so much a wound to my heart.

gweenkent

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